Ep. 7- The Synergy of Art, Healing, and Business with Lisa Fonville
EPISODE 7-
The Synergy of Art, Healing, and Business with Lisa Fonville
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Are you ready to chat about the dance between creativity, self-care, and business?
If the answer is YES!
Or if you are curious how these energies weave together to create a beautiful life, trust me, you'll want to stick around for this episode.
Join me and my guest, the incredibly talented artist and photographer Lisa Fonville owner of Hemlock House Photography, as we delve into a hard-hitting discussion on these topics and more.
Lisa is an accomplished photographer and she has done a lot of her own internal soul work. She offers an invaluable perspective on societal pressures, the power of rest and recharge, and loving your body as it is now (not when you lose 10 lbs.).
In our conversation, we take an honest look at the ego and its role in creativity. Lisa shares her experiences using her photography as a medium for healing, creating a therapeutic experience for her clients.
Whether you're a budding entrepreneur, a seasoned business owner, or working a 9-5, this episode is a treasure trove of insights waiting to be discovered.
Lisa Fonville, owner, and photographer- Hemlock House Photography
https://www.hemlockhouseinc.com
Instagram: @hemlockhousephoto
Healthy Relationship Toolkit
Full Transcript:
Speaker 1: 0:00
Are you ready to learn the dance between creativity, self-care and business? If the answer is yes, or you're curious how these energies flow together to create a beautiful life, trust me, you'll want to listen to this episode. Side note I accidentally left the windows open during the recording of this episode, so please excuse any background noise you hear and get excited to hear the conversation I had with Lisa Fonville, artist, photographer and owner of Hemlock House Photography. Hi, I'm Allesanda Tolomei-Hard, aka Mrs Hard, and this is Hard Times No More, a podcast for people who are tired of struggling with boundaries, people pleasing and relationship problems. I have overcome some hard times. Within three years, I stopped drinking, my mom died of cancer and my house burnt down in a California wildfire, and those are just the highlights. I have a lot of reasons to be miserable, but I'm not. The truth is, life was more challenging before these events happened. If you are tired of waiting for your circumstances to change to find happiness and peace of mind, you are in the right place. Join me as I share the tools I use and love to transform challenges into assets and interview others about their relationship journeys. Together, let's learn how to have a happy life full of healthy, meaningful relationships and say goodbye to hard times for good. Hey everyone, welcome to Hard Times no More a relationship podcast. I'm Mrs Hard, your host. Today. I have a very special person with me. Her name is Lisa Fonville. She's an amazing photographer and amazing healing woman in her own way. Welcome to the show, lisa. You are just so kind. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so excited to have you.
Speaker 2: 1:57
Thank you.
Speaker 1: 1:58
Thank you Good morning. So what are we going to talk about?
Speaker 2: 2:01
today. So many things, I think. Well, it's impossible for me to stay focused on one thing, so I imagine we'll get to about 500. How long do we have? What I'm really trying to do right now is to get, like for the last year or two, actually get out of that conscious mindset that society puts on you that in order to be successful, you have to be busy, busy, busy, busy, busy all the time, which I think is bullshit.
Speaker 1: 2:34
Yeah, I resonate with that that you have to be busy to be successful, and if you aren't doing something, what are you doing, where there's so many things on your to-do list that you feel guilty if you slow down or stop?
Speaker 2: 2:45
Right, I've actually really been reading a lot recently about because artists and highly creative people, taking time to rest and do nothing is actually a huge part of our creative process and a lot of people in our lives don't understand that. Yeah, and then you carry this guilt that you're being lazy or that you're not being as productive as the person next to you, when in actuality you are. It's just so. I'm really trying to settle in with that way of life.
Speaker 1: 3:31
Yeah, and especially when you shift in your business from needing to hustle so much because you're building your business to then having a trusting relationship with your business where you can let go, because most things can support themselves and trusting that and letting go of that season is so important. Like I resonate with you what you're saying so much, because yesterday I had like a day where I did nothing online, nothing on Instagram which I dream which I spend a lot of time on my online business because it's my passion, I love doing it, and one of my clients was talking about the other day how it's so hard for her to separate her personal time from her business time, because she loves her business and what she does. There is so much ease in letting go and like trusting that and trusting the creative energy that you're talking about of like when you rest and what that brings and then how that can like reshape your life, because when we're going all the time, that's like so fear driven and it's like us versus ourselves mostly, and like for me, I know I'm projecting on other people that they're having these expectations of me and that they're judging me if I'm not working hard enough or resting enough.
Speaker 2: 4:53
Yeah, it's just a battle within ourselves.
Speaker 1: 4:55
Yeah, and I don't know if you experienced this with your husband, but my husband's super busy right now, and so I feel like I should be busier.
Speaker 2: 5:03
My husband has a complete inability to chill ever. So it actually took I mean, we've been together 12 and a half years and it took me like six or seven years to actually be okay with like sitting down on the couch while he's doing something, because he's never not doing something, and at what. He was never putting that pressure on me. I was just making assumptions, which is never good and, you know, assuming that people are taking things personally, which I reference the four agreements all the time, and those those two don't make assumptions and don't take anything personally and those just reminding myself of that all the time. And that's really helped a lot with boundaries as well, I must say.
Speaker 1: 6:05
Yeah, I love the saying it's none of your business. What other people are thinking about you? It's true, yeah.
Speaker 2: 6:13
So what do you think of me right now?
Speaker 1: 6:15
That you're beautiful, okay, and that you're magical.
Speaker 2: 6:19
I accept that.
Speaker 1: 6:20
And you're like a unicorn of a human.
Speaker 2: 6:23
You are a unicorn of a human. The rest of the podcast is just as complimenting each other, yeah.
Speaker 1: 6:31
I'll just promote Lisa the whole time.
Speaker 2: 6:32
I'll just promote you the whole time. Yeah.
Speaker 1: 6:35
If you ever read a photographer, you'll make everyone who's ever felt uncomfortable in front of a camera become comfortable.
Speaker 2: 6:43
It is fun. Well, going back to what you were saying about loving your business like I love my business and I think that that sparked something when you were talking about your relationship with your business. Like up until you and I started talking about it, I don't know a year or two ago, I didn't really view that as a relationship.
Speaker 1: 7:10
Yeah.
Speaker 2: 7:11
Very much yes. You know my business is not another human. But it's like, if I went, that relationship has grown so much and is so much healthier than it once was. Because, yeah, in the beginning stages you're just building and building, and building and building and you're putting so much energy into this one thing and you're right Now it just kind of flows and I have the ability to rest. And so what would we say to people that are like starting, like how do you find that balance? Like, let's say, I was starting a business right now, knowing what I know now, like emotionally, mentally, where I'm at now starting a business, that's got to be really difficult to keep new boundaries with a new business. Yeah, and still take care of yourself, because that's what a lot of women especially that I've talked to, it's female business owners really struggle with that.
Speaker 1: 8:14
Yeah, and I think that is more about your priority list. So, like it's easy to put self care to the back burner, especially if you're excited about a new project, because you really feel like you have to do a bunch of things, which you do have to do a bunch of things, especially in the beginning, to make it work. You don't have those systems in place yet, and so I would suggest like creating, like in your schedule, specific hours of which where you're going to recharge regardless of what's on your to do list, because you're going to have to do a bunch of things, and then you're going to have to do a bunch of things that you're going to have to do on your to do list, because I've heard people talk about you know, if you're going to build a business and it's new, like you should build it the way you want it to be, in the sense that, like, if you create a stressful business, it's always going to be stressful, or you're bringing that energy into it, and for me, I can see what people say with that, but I don't think that's like realistic. I think it's more realistic to build yourself, carry in as the main priority, or what you need to do to take care of yourself, and that will take care of the stress level.
Speaker 2: 9:23
Actually, that's amazing because while you were saying that, I was thinking about when my relationship with my business changed, and that's when it changed.
Speaker 1: 9:34
Yeah.
Speaker 2: 9:35
I had blocking off days where and I stuck to it and I had another long time female business owner, mentor, and she's like if you say you're not working Thursdays, you can never work Thursdays.
Speaker 1: 9:52
You cannot break it.
Speaker 2: 9:55
And I've since broken it a whole bunch of times, but for that first year I didn't break it and I was very committed to taking that time away from work and it made my business way better and it made me. I was so much healthier. And then I have an amazing studio manager who looks ahead and she's like you're not booking anything for this whole week because you need to chill. And I'm like okay, I love you.
Speaker 1: 10:27
Thank you yeah.
Speaker 2: 10:29
Yeah.
Speaker 1: 10:30
So I relate in the sense of when I was starting my massage practice, a practitioner told me if you get body work, you're going to get more clients. And I hadn't been getting massages regularly like maybe once every six months or once a year, and I would forget what it was like to even receive a massage and I started finding practitioners that charged more than me and I would go see them to help me feel better about pricing. Because when you have your own business, like one of the big challenges that comes up is when you set a price for your work. It triggers this like internal value of how people will value you as a person and it's so loaded. And so I went to see practitioners who charged more than me and then I also started getting body work regularly and that made me more excited to give body work and it did bring more clients into my life, where the mindset I had at that time was I can't afford to get massages, like I can't afford to take time away from my business, but I wanted it to grow so badly I was willing to do anything to make that happen.
Speaker 2: 11:41
Well, in reality, you can't afford not to.
Speaker 1: 11:44
Yeah, and that's the backwards thinking. And that's what like yeah, like all of the deep healing secrets I've learned in life, are backwards from what you think they are.
Speaker 2: 11:58
Totally.
Speaker 1: 11:59
Like you think, oh, I need to do all this stuff, I need to work really hard and then, once everything's stable and secure, then I'll take time for myself. But I think essentially, people get to a point where they've been running and doing so much for so long, they see the truth that like that is always going to be there, like that's never going to change. When you have your own business, you can work 24 hours a day. There's always work to be done, and so you see it as like a myth, that like you're going to arrive someday and then you start to build your life backwards, like I'm going to create the life I want and then do the things I have to after that. And that's where it really shifts.
Speaker 2: 12:41
Totally.
Speaker 1: 12:42
Yeah.
Speaker 2: 12:44
It's quite magical really.
Speaker 1: 12:46
Yeah.
Speaker 2: 12:47
When that happens. Sorry, I'm eating a blueberry. Go for it Blueberries help with anxiety.
Speaker 1: 12:52
Yeah, what did you say earlier? That like a?
Speaker 2: 12:54
handful. My mom told me that she said a handful of blueberries is equivalent. I don't know if this is true, but equivalent to like taking a Xanax. Just give me this whole bowl.
Speaker 1: 13:04
Yeah. For those of you listening, medium sized bowl of blueberries I've already probably had 40. But who's counting? Might be a problem later, but whatever, I'm going to feel calm. Yeah.
Speaker 2: 13:24
And amazing. Today we, allison and I, laugh all the time because I have some pretty intense ADD and I feel like it's getting worse as I age.
Speaker 1: 13:35
I haven't noticed it becoming worse.
Speaker 2: 13:37
You don't think it's worse.
Speaker 1: 13:38
No, sometimes I think it's better and I think your ADD journey is just like magical, because you kind of go with whatever inspires you in the moment or wherever the flow is heading, you just run with it, without like, oh, am I going off topic? You just run, you do run and you know what.
Speaker 2: 13:57
You meet me there most of the time, almost all the time, you just go there with me and not not people. Some people don't do that. People just I end up like coming back to them and they're just looking at me like deer in headlights. Where did you go? I'm like I don't know. I saw a bird, I think it's fun.
Speaker 1: 14:15
It's like let's see where this party is going.
Speaker 2: 14:19
You never know, but that's actually something that um has been really cool the past couple of years in my own creation and my creative process. I never get stressed out before a shoot anymore and I never just because I don't know.
Speaker 1: 14:46
Has it separated itself from you as the identity?
Speaker 2: 14:50
The business, no, no, no. The creative process, the creativity that comes up.
Speaker 1: 14:55
For example, I used to get really stressed out about how many massages I had in a day or how many clients I had in a day, and then I realized that I am not the healer, I'm the conduit for the energy to come through and that I trust that energy more. And the more I trust that energy, the less stress I have about the work I'm doing, because it's not about me and so the ego moves away from that.
Speaker 2: 15:17
Then yes.
Speaker 1: 15:17
And so are you the facilitator of the creativity, and you know that just showing up with the people With the people. It's just going to happen, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: 15:25
It's really cool. I was having a conversation with somebody the other day about ego and that's something I've really dived dove, dived, dived into, diven dove-in. Into the last few years, because for a long time you talk about ego and I would just always think of like an arrogant male.
Speaker 1: 15:55
Yeah, Standard yeah.
Speaker 2: 15:59
Just think, oh, I've got an ego problem, whatever. But like you said, I don't really know how to put this into words gracefully, but when the ego moves away and I had an ego issue, I mean, everybody does, I think. But to be so aware of it and truly let it like you know, when you get really defensive. That's ego.
Speaker 1: 16:30
When you think you're a piece of crap, that is also ego. That's another backwards thing, Like the victimhood that some people get stuck in and I've been stuck in that before too, or the depressiveness that is ego just as much of the like. Hey, look at me.
Speaker 2: 16:46
I'm so amazing. The arrogant part yeah. Yeah. So once you start really diving into what that actually is and what it means for you and how it applies to your life in particular, it's kind of mind-blowing and will really open. Yeah, I definitely think that I'm a conduit as well because, no matter who it is, if I'm working with total strangers, if I'm, you know, and even location-wise, I'm going to find something. This is what I tell all my clients. I'm like there's magic everywhere, there's pockets of magic everywhere. Like, don't even worry ever about where we're going, Don't worry about the light, Don't worry about we'll figure it out. And those are the ones, and not a few years ago, that's when I really started trusting it, because those were always the things, the sessions, that I liked the most, that I felt the most creative. And then I felt and I do, I kind of feel out of body when I'm doing that and it's really amazing. I mean, you've seen it in action, in my psycho, in a good way.
Speaker 1: 17:55
I'll never forget our wedding photos. You were losing your shit and Chris and I were just running around on the beat.
Speaker 2: 18:02
I was so excited. The sunset was amazing.
Speaker 1: 18:07
And it's like you were showing us and we were like, oh, those pictures look really cool, but like it wasn't until you edited them and sent them to us. We were like, oh my God.
Speaker 2: 18:15
You guys don't even know what's happening, right? Yeah, it's like pure, straight up otherworldly magic.
Speaker 1: 18:22
Yeah, and I feel like your photography is a form of alchemy. That's amazing and that there's healing happening in your photography because, even though your specific area of expertise wouldn't be considered within the healing arts, I feel like it's Harry Potter when I say that.
Speaker 2: 18:44
I'm editing a Harry Potter themed wedding right now. I'm delivering it today Whoa.
Speaker 1: 18:49
Yeah, but anyway, the way that you capture people on film and how you make them feel in front of the camera is a healing experience for a lot of people, because they feel seen, they feel beautiful, they feel comfortable in their like human selves and human skin, which is like an amazing gift that you give to people outside of just a photograph.
Speaker 2: 19:13
Thank you, I agree with you only because that has been done for me. I mean, before, five years ago, you couldn't even find a photo of me on my own website. I remember it was ridiculous. I don't even know why people were booking me. They didn't even know what I looked like. Not that it looks important, but I'm like, oh my God. And I remember the first time I went to a photography retreat and I was being photographed. I know I've told you this story, but I couldn't even I could not get out of my head about it. I was like the heaviest I'd ever been. I was so uncomfortable in my body and I couldn't even be present with the people that were there, these beautiful, beautiful other women with like the most beautiful souls, and I was so in my head, which is, you know, that's an ego problem as well, and that's actually the time I started diving into the whole ego thing. And I was photographed by her name, sarah leader, and I love her to death and I hope she listens to this. I love you, sarah, and she has photographed me multiple times, and the gift that she gave me when I received those pictures back. It was a very emotional experience. Thank you, very, very healing and I really hope to provide that for other people. And then I went back the next year and I saw her and I was like a completely different person, so light and like just so present, and she was like who are you? And I was like yeah, you know, and I think I was even heavier then. Our bodies are amazing. Our bodies do amazing, amazing things for us and it's ever shifting and, especially as women, it's hard to really love ourselves that way and it took a long time. But I have a very I have the best relationship with my body that I've ever had and I think raising a daughter I don't ever want her to feel about you know the way I felt about my body. I don't ever want her to feel that way. So kind of changes your whole. I don't know I'm getting distracted by a cute little picture frame over there Squirrel.
Speaker 1: 21:55
Are you able to put into words what helped you most through the process of healing that relationship with your body? Like, maybe even first? Where was the awareness of like how I've been? What I found with that narrative around me and myself is like I had to get to a place where I realized what I was doing to try to change my body wasn't working, and I tried so many times and failed, or like stressed about it so many times and it wasn't serving me, and so it was time to change the narrative and to accept myself as I am now. And so do you remember when, like the light bulb went on of like I'm going to start this different journey of like really accepting myself.
Speaker 2: 22:37
I was dealing with some trauma and I remember just really feeling a disconnect between my head, my heart and, like the rest of my body. I felt like I was like three different beings, like there was no, there just wasn't. I wasn't connected to these parts and I've dealt with chronic pain since I was like 14 years old, so I've always been very aware of like hyper aware of how my body's feeling. If it shifts a little bit, I can tell what's wrong most of the time and I just had this very like a very disconnected relationship.
Speaker 1: 23:26
Like out of body relationship no just I don't know.
Speaker 2: 23:33
So when it changed, I consciously was giving these parts of my body that needed some a little extra healing, like conscious love and like attention and affection and like gratitude, on a daily basis, even for like five minutes, and just really made a point to like meditate and really connect with all the parts of my body and then slowly everything started to feel whole like within myself. But that that was a huge turning point. I didn't even realize that I was. I don't know it did. It felt like like my, it felt like my body was a triplex you had to like there was a door at the neck. There was maybe a door at, like, the hips. You had to like open it up to get to the to the next one. Now it feels like one.
Speaker 1: 24:33
Yeah.
Speaker 2: 24:34
Everything flows a little nicer.
Speaker 1: 24:36
So you checked in and you sent love to different parts of your body instead of Instead of frustration and anger.
Speaker 2: 24:44
And you know, actually yesterday, this week, I've struggled and I've had to remember this because, as you know, I had like a rib out of place and you, you fixed it. I love you so much.
Speaker 1: 24:59
I love fixing people using my codependent power for good instead of evil Only thinking people who asked for it. Please fix me, oh, my God.
Speaker 2: 25:09
But you know, and then the next day I did, or that that same day I went and did some beach sessions and by the end of the day I had a knee injury last year and by the end of I had to stop during my final session three times and sit down and rest my knee and my knee hadn't hurt in months like that, and the next day I was like in tears. It hurts so badly and I was like, okay, it's just one thing after another, like I get this fixed and then, and then this happens, and then when that starts to feel better than this will happen and something else will start to hurt, and I do. I feel like a 90 year old woman the majority of the time and I'm 41. But I had to really check in with myself this week and really, really appreciate my body and talk to it and have a little, have a little time and give it the rest that it was needing and and I feel a lot better today.
Speaker 1: 26:15
Yeah, I feel like our body is always sending us signals, like when I get an injury, I almost always feel like it's the universe telling me to slow down and to become more mindful of what's going on on the physical realm Instead of like in my imagination, my creative brain.
Speaker 2: 26:34
I love that realm though.
Speaker 1: 26:35
I do too. It's my favorite realm. If I could hang out there all day with lots of caffeine, I would be in heaven so much caffeine. But it feels like my soul made this contract to like come to this planet, participate in being human, which includes, like the physical.
Speaker 2: 26:54
It's hard sometimes.
Speaker 1: 26:57
If someone is new to the ego concept, what advice would you give them?
Speaker 2: 27:04
Oh, that everyone's replaceable, I guess.
Speaker 1: 27:11
Everyone's replaceable.
Speaker 2: 27:14
No, I mean that doesn't sound great, but like no. I had a conversation with somebody recently and she was at her job. She's very, very good at her job, and this is why I started thinking about it again and she got kind of in trouble at work. But she does everything, and the way she was describing her work to me reminded me of me 15 years ago, when I was teaching. I was the head teacher of a preschool program and I truly thought that they couldn't function without me, and so I had this little. I mean I would go to work with like 104 degree fever, which is ridiculous.
Speaker 1: 28:14
Yeah.
Speaker 2: 28:16
You know, you kind of think and yeah, people aren't going to do it the same as you, but life keeps going. Life's going to keep going, no matter what you do.
Speaker 1: 28:29
So yeah, so it doesn't hurt to prioritize your care.
Speaker 2: 28:33
Right.
Speaker 1: 28:34
Because, in a very positive way, you're not that important.
Speaker 2: 28:39
Exactly that's what I was trying to say.
Speaker 1: 28:42
Yeah.
Speaker 2: 28:43
Like you're not actually that special.
Speaker 1: 28:45
Yeah, which is there's two sides to it, which is terrible. You're beautiful, because I think you're unique soul, but you're not like. There's support in community within every function and people can get on without you being there for a day or a week, even when you believe it's impossible. There's no way they could, right.
Speaker 2: 29:07
That was the beginning of my. Actually that was the very, very beginning of my little ego journey, I think, because I got really shut down and like hurt that everyone seemed to just move on so easily when I wasn't there anymore and you're like, oh, I mean, that's a very young way of thinking as well.
Speaker 1: 29:28
But it can be kind of nice when people can get along without you.
Speaker 2: 29:34
It's very nice. It's very nice.
Speaker 1: 29:36
It's relieving, like you get to choose to show up or choose to participate, instead of feeling obligated.
Speaker 2: 29:41
Yeah, having teenagers has really helped that too. I'm like oh, you want dinner. Go ahead, make something. It's great, you can do it. You can do it without me yeah. You know, I was watching this show last night with my daughter and she's been like waiting for it to come back on. It's called the summer. I turned pretty on Amazon Season two just came out yesterday and one of the characters gives a. He's like valedictorian of his senior class. He gives a speech and he's quoting something that a family friend had like left him in a letter and it was talking about the world. And remember that the world is not only happening to you the whole victimology kind of a thing, but you are, you are also happening to the world and I think that's a. I think that's a cool way of like it's empowering. It's very empowering and it's also like you know. You wake up every day and you're like, yeah, I'm happening to the world, and that's not like an ego, I'm super special kind of thing. But like, what waves am I going to make today? Like who am I going to like impact today? Who am I going to make feel beautiful today? Who am I going to? And when you're when you're really focused outwardly and not inwardly and actually that was something early in my photography journey. One of my mentors said you know, whenever you're feeling nervous, just pretend there's a flashlight pointed at you and that's your ego and just take it and point it out. And as soon as you do that and focus on what's in front of you, what's in the light in front of you, instead of anything that you're feeling internally, that's when everything shifts. And I use that all the time still, and it's amazing. It's amazing visualization and it helps a lot. And I tell that to my kids. I haven't told them in a while, though I should probably tell. The girl girl drama teenage girls, and it's really difficult to do the first few times when you're struggling with this uncomfortability to turn it around, you have to do it very consciously and it's very hard to do. But once you start doing it a lot, then it's really easy and it's kind of life changing. And then it's like the whole backwards thinking thing. You know, by focusing on others and what's going on around you, you're actually healing yourself.
Speaker 1: 32:35
Yeah, because everyone's just a reflection of us. Yeah, and what we're going through.
Speaker 2: 32:42
Yeah.
Speaker 1: 32:44
Well, I think we covered a lot today. We went on quite the journey.
Speaker 2: 32:51
Yeah, I can't even remember what we talked about, and it was like half an hour ago. Well, thanks for coming on the show today.
Speaker 1: 33:03
Thank you for having me. It was the best start to a day. If people want to check out your photography, where can they find you?
Speaker 2: 33:12
Oh, dropped a blueberry, still eating those. My business name is Hemlock House, hemlock House Inc. So you can find me on Instagram Hemlock House Photo. You can go to my website, which is hemlockhouseinccom. Facebook. You know, all the things. I'm not on Twitter, or I think I might be, but I am on Threads, which is new. What is Threads? Threads is like the Instagram Twitter. I haven't posted anything because I like to speak in imagery, not so much the written word, but you know I'll probably be on there at some point.
Speaker 1: 33:59
I'll check it out. I haven't even heard of Threads. You're just so up and coming. You know all the latest trends.
Speaker 2: 34:06
Oh, my God, all right, thank you so much for having me. I'm going to go pick up this blueberry before someone stops on it.
Speaker 1: 34:13
Thanks, lisa. Okay, bye. Thanks for being so respectful, bye.